Day 2 Transformation Revolution
Things to think about:
Let’s review Day 1. Did you have trouble making the list of what’s working? Lots of people do. Part of the situation is that we are far more used to looking at what’s wrong than what’s right. (Honestly, it took me most of a day to come up with 70 items.)
For the purposes of the Day 1 exercise, you do not have to have this thing be true 100% of the time to count it as something that’s working. You can get along with your spouse, kids or boss only part of the time but still count it as something that is working. Just stay focused on what’s working well about it. Don’t worry about the fact that it’s not true all the time. (Don’t take away the compliment that you are effectively giving your life by negating it. Instead of “I like that my kids get along – when they do, which isn’t often enough,” try “I love when my kids get along” or “My kids get along so well.” For now, focus on what’s working.)
For Day 2, we’re switching gears. On Day 2, we’re looking at what isn’t working. Each of us has many things in our lives that aren’t right yet or aren’t working well yet.
You may have been tempted to start this list yesterday when you listed what was going well, but today you have full permission to identify every single thing that is not right yet in your life.
Note: I think of this as things that are not right yet – not things that are wrong. These things just aren’t right as of this moment. They may soon become right, you never know what could happen.
Make a list of everything that you’re tolerating in your life. The list may be quite long – even 70-100 items. Do not worry about doing anything about these things yet. Just list the things that you are tolerating.
Things to do:
a. Go back to your Day 1 assignment and add 3 more things that are working well in your life.
More examples to spark your thinking:
My car is great
My boss is helpful
I have a good job
I enjoy my job
My spouse enjoys his/her job
I find pennies lying on the floor all the time
My kids get along well.
b. Write down everything that you’re tolerating in your life. List everything that bothers you – big and small alike.
Some examples:
My taxes need done (now)
Carpet needs cleaned
Filing needs done
Laundry is driving me nuts – I do the laundry then more shows up
I’m behind on a couple of projects
I want to go out for fun more often
I hate doing housework
I need to email a bunch of the people I’ve met this year to invite them to subscribe to the newsletter
Dirty dishes – that keep appearing
Someone's cereal bowl is on the living room floor (not mine)
(Please just pretend that you’re not seeing a theme here… Actually, I have plenty of other things that I am tolerating in my life right now. I'll just leave those for my journal.)
Again, don’t worry about doing anything about the tolerated items yet. Just make a long list of tolerations. Topic areas might include work, friends, immediate family, extended family, children, spouse, hobbies/leisure, spirituality/religion, career, clubs/organizations, physical environment, community.
See you tomorrow!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Day 1 Transformation Revolution - 21 Days toward Transformation
Transformation Revolution - 21 Days toward Transformation
Day 1 Transformation Revolution
Welcome to the revolution. I am so glad you are here. If you are still reading, there is probably something about your life you want to change.
(I promise that most days you won’t have this much to read. There is just more to say today to get us started on the right track.)
If you are like most people, you probably actually have a laundry list of things you think you should or could improve.
They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit. Personally, it takes me much longer but 21 days is a good start. (I really do not know who this “they” is who decided that it takes the magic 21 days, but “they” apparently do not live with me. But I digress…)
For the next 21 days, you will find a few new things on this blog. Each day until April 14th, I will give you something to think about and something to do.
Take what you like and leave the rest. I have a rationale for everything I will post, but if what I suggest does not fit you or is not comfortable, then don’t do it. You define your life here. I would encourage you to stretch and try new things, but if you are not comfortable then don’t do it.
Things to do:
1. Get a journal – doesn’t matter what kind. It could be a small pocket sized notebook, some paper stapled together, or a lovely book. Or, you could choose an online journal, like livejournal.com or other similar sites.
In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that I have always hated journaling. I felt funny writing things down. I worried that someone would find my journals and know how I really felt. Last year, I started an online journal. That works a lot better for me. I can type out my thoughts pretty fast.
I would really encourage you to find some type of journal where you can do the exercises you will find here each day. Writing out your thoughts makes the work more tangible and real. Writing down what you want to change or transform in your life speeds the process.
2. Write down everything that is working well in your life. Yes, everything. I’ll explain why in just a moment. But this is the assignment – write down everything in your life that is going well.
Something to think about:
You may be thinking, “Why is Dr. Leah making us start a Transformation Revolution with a list of what is going well?? This makes no sense to me!”
Well, thank you for raising the issue. (OK, I get that I am just talking to myself here, but bear with me and pretend we are having a conversation.)
Here is a partial list of reasons why we are starting with what is right:
a. Change is always easier if you are focused on the good things in life. We spend SO much time thinking about what is wrong that we start to think that our lives are more wrong than right. Almost always, our lives have more good in them than pain. And, really, even at those times when the pain outweighs the positives, there are usually positive aspects that mitigate the painful ones.
b. When we start to create a change in our lives, it becomes incredibly easy to take a leap to feeling that everything is wrong. It’s just human nature. We look at the one thing that is wrong and then roll immediately to five more things that bother us. When we look to change something about ourselves, it is far too easy to float down a river of self-denigration, finding reasons to put ourselves down.
Putting yourself down is quite easy and is societally very acceptable but is really unproductive when trying to create lasting change. You have to stay in a positive mental place to create change that lasts.
c. You can’t not think about something. You know the old example, if I say “don’t think about a polka dot elephant,” you will immediately think of a polka dot elephant. It doesn’t work (not well anyway) to avoid things. It’s much easier to define what to do instead. It’s easier to create a change of adding something in rather than deleting something. It’s easier to “start to exercise” rather than to “stop being a couch potato.” I think this part of the reason for the success of 12 step groups. They replace a behavior with a new one. It’s hard to just let go of behaviors. You have to know what to replace them with.
Focusing on what is already going well in your life helps you get direction for transformation. It’s easier to add in rather than subtract. It’s easier to change when you know what is going well already.
d. Think of transformation as enhancing who you already are. We never really give up who we are when we make changes. We enhance who we are. Keep in mind that we are improving who you already are.
Starting with a list of what’s going right provides the right foundation for change.
e. The greatest ease of success comes from building your life around what works for you as an individual. There is no use trying to make yourself be someone you aren’t. (The good news is that most people are far more fascinating than they ever knew.)
You will be far better off if you create systems for transformation that are built on your current strengths. I will tell you how to use this information in the coming days. Just keep in mind that I would encourage you to always think about what has worked for you in the past and create new strategies based on what has already been successful for you.
To get you started thinking, here is part of my personal list of What’s Working:
What’s Working:
· Spring Break weather felt like spring.
· Kids got along well on Friday – really helpful to each other
· Things always seem to work out well for me
· Recently started reading some really inspirational material, I'm back in a very focused mode
· Re-reading Four Hour Work Week, very thought-provoking
· I already have the 21 day program lined out in advance! Woo-hoo!
· I love my shower curtain. Got it for free from dad and step-mother. I love a bargain.
· Daughter #1 says to add, “You have the perfect job, great kids, blah, blah, blah.”
· My daughters keep me enjoying life.
· I’ve learned to be a positive, optimistic person in the past 15 years.
· Streaming audio over the internet rocks.
· I have figured out how to be a writer.
· I have great friends and a great husband.
· I have a really easy time finding great parking places.
· The choir sang Handel’s Hallelujah chorus this morning. First time I’ve ever heard it in person.
· Sometimes I’m good at stopping to smell the roses – much improved in this area in my life.
· I am great at noticing the little things – like a great sunrise, easy traffic, or running into the right person at the right time.
· I easily find great people to be around.
· I have learned how to be open-minded and non-judgmental and that makes my life work so
much better.
· Spring is finally here.
· I’m pretty good at finding the best in everything.
· I found the book that I lost in my office
Day 1 Transformation Revolution
Welcome to the revolution. I am so glad you are here. If you are still reading, there is probably something about your life you want to change.
(I promise that most days you won’t have this much to read. There is just more to say today to get us started on the right track.)
If you are like most people, you probably actually have a laundry list of things you think you should or could improve.
They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit. Personally, it takes me much longer but 21 days is a good start. (I really do not know who this “they” is who decided that it takes the magic 21 days, but “they” apparently do not live with me. But I digress…)
For the next 21 days, you will find a few new things on this blog. Each day until April 14th, I will give you something to think about and something to do.
Take what you like and leave the rest. I have a rationale for everything I will post, but if what I suggest does not fit you or is not comfortable, then don’t do it. You define your life here. I would encourage you to stretch and try new things, but if you are not comfortable then don’t do it.
Things to do:
1. Get a journal – doesn’t matter what kind. It could be a small pocket sized notebook, some paper stapled together, or a lovely book. Or, you could choose an online journal, like livejournal.com or other similar sites.
In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that I have always hated journaling. I felt funny writing things down. I worried that someone would find my journals and know how I really felt. Last year, I started an online journal. That works a lot better for me. I can type out my thoughts pretty fast.
I would really encourage you to find some type of journal where you can do the exercises you will find here each day. Writing out your thoughts makes the work more tangible and real. Writing down what you want to change or transform in your life speeds the process.
2. Write down everything that is working well in your life. Yes, everything. I’ll explain why in just a moment. But this is the assignment – write down everything in your life that is going well.
Something to think about:
You may be thinking, “Why is Dr. Leah making us start a Transformation Revolution with a list of what is going well?? This makes no sense to me!”
Well, thank you for raising the issue. (OK, I get that I am just talking to myself here, but bear with me and pretend we are having a conversation.)
Here is a partial list of reasons why we are starting with what is right:
a. Change is always easier if you are focused on the good things in life. We spend SO much time thinking about what is wrong that we start to think that our lives are more wrong than right. Almost always, our lives have more good in them than pain. And, really, even at those times when the pain outweighs the positives, there are usually positive aspects that mitigate the painful ones.
b. When we start to create a change in our lives, it becomes incredibly easy to take a leap to feeling that everything is wrong. It’s just human nature. We look at the one thing that is wrong and then roll immediately to five more things that bother us. When we look to change something about ourselves, it is far too easy to float down a river of self-denigration, finding reasons to put ourselves down.
Putting yourself down is quite easy and is societally very acceptable but is really unproductive when trying to create lasting change. You have to stay in a positive mental place to create change that lasts.
c. You can’t not think about something. You know the old example, if I say “don’t think about a polka dot elephant,” you will immediately think of a polka dot elephant. It doesn’t work (not well anyway) to avoid things. It’s much easier to define what to do instead. It’s easier to create a change of adding something in rather than deleting something. It’s easier to “start to exercise” rather than to “stop being a couch potato.” I think this part of the reason for the success of 12 step groups. They replace a behavior with a new one. It’s hard to just let go of behaviors. You have to know what to replace them with.
Focusing on what is already going well in your life helps you get direction for transformation. It’s easier to add in rather than subtract. It’s easier to change when you know what is going well already.
d. Think of transformation as enhancing who you already are. We never really give up who we are when we make changes. We enhance who we are. Keep in mind that we are improving who you already are.
Starting with a list of what’s going right provides the right foundation for change.
e. The greatest ease of success comes from building your life around what works for you as an individual. There is no use trying to make yourself be someone you aren’t. (The good news is that most people are far more fascinating than they ever knew.)
You will be far better off if you create systems for transformation that are built on your current strengths. I will tell you how to use this information in the coming days. Just keep in mind that I would encourage you to always think about what has worked for you in the past and create new strategies based on what has already been successful for you.
To get you started thinking, here is part of my personal list of What’s Working:
What’s Working:
· Spring Break weather felt like spring.
· Kids got along well on Friday – really helpful to each other
· Things always seem to work out well for me
· Recently started reading some really inspirational material, I'm back in a very focused mode
· Re-reading Four Hour Work Week, very thought-provoking
· I already have the 21 day program lined out in advance! Woo-hoo!
· I love my shower curtain. Got it for free from dad and step-mother. I love a bargain.
· Daughter #1 says to add, “You have the perfect job, great kids, blah, blah, blah.”
· My daughters keep me enjoying life.
· I’ve learned to be a positive, optimistic person in the past 15 years.
· Streaming audio over the internet rocks.
· I have figured out how to be a writer.
· I have great friends and a great husband.
· I have a really easy time finding great parking places.
· The choir sang Handel’s Hallelujah chorus this morning. First time I’ve ever heard it in person.
· Sometimes I’m good at stopping to smell the roses – much improved in this area in my life.
· I am great at noticing the little things – like a great sunrise, easy traffic, or running into the right person at the right time.
· I easily find great people to be around.
· I have learned how to be open-minded and non-judgmental and that makes my life work so
much better.
· Spring is finally here.
· I’m pretty good at finding the best in everything.
· I found the book that I lost in my office
Get started on your list of What's Working. Add to it each day.
Post your thoughts on the Revolution and what you're transforming in your life in the Comments section of this post. Or, just post that you're joining the Transformation Revolution. Welcome to the trip!
Friday, March 21, 2008
Wikipedian Protester
Permanent link to this comic: http://xkcd.com/285/
Thursday, March 20, 2008
This is how much I like you...
My friend, Angela, just called. I invited her to stop over.
It's 1:20 pm. I've not showered, not dressed for company, have on the eyeglasses I've had since 1998 (maybe longer), hair hadn't been combed, the list goes on.
And it strikes me - this is how much I like Angela: I could go get dressed, comb my hair, and brush my teeth. But I am at ease enough to not need to. So, I got a little more dressed. I combed my hair. Cleaned yesterday's mascara out from under my eyes. And, welcomed her in...
(Of course, the fact that she came bearing Diet Coke would have trumped any dis-ease I had.)
It's 1:20 pm. I've not showered, not dressed for company, have on the eyeglasses I've had since 1998 (maybe longer), hair hadn't been combed, the list goes on.
And it strikes me - this is how much I like Angela: I could go get dressed, comb my hair, and brush my teeth. But I am at ease enough to not need to. So, I got a little more dressed. I combed my hair. Cleaned yesterday's mascara out from under my eyes. And, welcomed her in...
(Of course, the fact that she came bearing Diet Coke would have trumped any dis-ease I had.)
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Dressing for My Date
You know how it is when you first date someone? You wear clothes you think they will like, things that you feel great in, clothes they have complimented you on, that type of thing. He likes you in green; you wear green. He likes you in blue; you wear blue.
Well, today, I spent just as much time dressing for my date. It's just that my date was one month old. Daughters and I spent the day with the new niece (and her big sister). Do you realize how hard it is to dress for a newborn?
If you're planning on having some quality baby cuddling time, you have to be careful of things.
No necklaces - she won't be able to sleep on your neck.
No long dangling earrings that could be caught by little hands.
No shirts with details or scratchy buttons - she could wake up. (First rule of babyland - do not wake happy, sleeping baby.)
And, remember to bring an extra shirt with you to be able to change before afternoon meeting. Even though she does not appear to be a spit-upper, you never know when that could change at an inopportune moment.
Nothing better than dressing for a date, especially when the date is as sweet as this one is.
Well, today, I spent just as much time dressing for my date. It's just that my date was one month old. Daughters and I spent the day with the new niece (and her big sister). Do you realize how hard it is to dress for a newborn?
If you're planning on having some quality baby cuddling time, you have to be careful of things.
No necklaces - she won't be able to sleep on your neck.
No long dangling earrings that could be caught by little hands.
No shirts with details or scratchy buttons - she could wake up. (First rule of babyland - do not wake happy, sleeping baby.)
And, remember to bring an extra shirt with you to be able to change before afternoon meeting. Even though she does not appear to be a spit-upper, you never know when that could change at an inopportune moment.
Nothing better than dressing for a date, especially when the date is as sweet as this one is.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Sleep Overs?!? Why do we call them Sleep Overs?
Last night, my daughter had a sleep over. Why don't we call them "Stay Up All Night Over's"???!
The main joy of the evening was a late night run to Walmart. At 8 pm, Lexi told me that she wanted me to take them to Walmart at midnight. I do enjoy a late night trip to Walmart, however, I'd gone to bed super late the night before. I wasn't really excited. But, it's Spring Break here. Tons of their friends have gone to warm and wonderful places or indoor water parks, like Great Wolf Lodge. Could I not oblige a simple trip to Walmart? Mother guilt took hold of me.
At 11:57 pm we pulled out of the driveway. Two daughters, one friend, and me. We frolicked in "our" Walmart - exploring the Easter aisles, looking at cute baby and toddler clothes for the nieces, gathering Diet Coke and other necessary supplies - all with me on the verge of sleep deprived napping. (I will claim credit for holding my own though - there was a sudden huge sound of the stocker dropping a wooden pallet on top of another wooden pallet right behind me. I didn't even cuss, shocked and scared though I was. ;-) Thank God for small miracles.)
When it was clear that we were headed out, Lexi started brainstorming about what we could do next - Could we go to the other Walmart? The one across town?
Ahhh... mother guilt took hold again... the cold air on my face, the guilt and responsibility for bringing joy to a boring Spring Break, and the drive to be the cool mom... it's a dangerous combination. Also, I now had fortification in the form of a 24 oz bottle of Diet Coke.
I turned left out of the parking lot, causing great confusion. Until they realized we weren't going back home yet.
We drove to the other side of town -
1. Saw a train (which was terribly exciting as we rarely see trains in town), Kati thought there were about 3 cars in the train.
2. Drove by Lexi's school - looking to see what it looked like at night.
3. Drove back toward the train tracks to count the cars in the train. There were actually 99 cars in the train. Kati says that's o.k., she was only off by 96. Good laugh all around.
4. Drove over the highway to see what 12:45 am traffic looks like. There were more vehicles on the road than I anticipated.
5. Went to Denny's. Had milkshakes. Took a picture of the girls at Denny's at 1:15 am - but I haven't figured out how to get it from camera to computer yet.
6. Went to the second Walmart. Let Lexi and her friend, Stephanie, go in and buy gum to prove they were there. Kati was getting pretty tired by this point.
7. Arrived back home at 1:57 am. Exactly (accidentally but exactly) two hours after we left.
We may not have lounged by the beach this Spring Break, but at least we now have a story to tell!
The main joy of the evening was a late night run to Walmart. At 8 pm, Lexi told me that she wanted me to take them to Walmart at midnight. I do enjoy a late night trip to Walmart, however, I'd gone to bed super late the night before. I wasn't really excited. But, it's Spring Break here. Tons of their friends have gone to warm and wonderful places or indoor water parks, like Great Wolf Lodge. Could I not oblige a simple trip to Walmart? Mother guilt took hold of me.
At 11:57 pm we pulled out of the driveway. Two daughters, one friend, and me. We frolicked in "our" Walmart - exploring the Easter aisles, looking at cute baby and toddler clothes for the nieces, gathering Diet Coke and other necessary supplies - all with me on the verge of sleep deprived napping. (I will claim credit for holding my own though - there was a sudden huge sound of the stocker dropping a wooden pallet on top of another wooden pallet right behind me. I didn't even cuss, shocked and scared though I was. ;-) Thank God for small miracles.)
When it was clear that we were headed out, Lexi started brainstorming about what we could do next - Could we go to the other Walmart? The one across town?
Ahhh... mother guilt took hold again... the cold air on my face, the guilt and responsibility for bringing joy to a boring Spring Break, and the drive to be the cool mom... it's a dangerous combination. Also, I now had fortification in the form of a 24 oz bottle of Diet Coke.
I turned left out of the parking lot, causing great confusion. Until they realized we weren't going back home yet.
We drove to the other side of town -
1. Saw a train (which was terribly exciting as we rarely see trains in town), Kati thought there were about 3 cars in the train.
2. Drove by Lexi's school - looking to see what it looked like at night.
3. Drove back toward the train tracks to count the cars in the train. There were actually 99 cars in the train. Kati says that's o.k., she was only off by 96. Good laugh all around.
4. Drove over the highway to see what 12:45 am traffic looks like. There were more vehicles on the road than I anticipated.
5. Went to Denny's. Had milkshakes. Took a picture of the girls at Denny's at 1:15 am - but I haven't figured out how to get it from camera to computer yet.
6. Went to the second Walmart. Let Lexi and her friend, Stephanie, go in and buy gum to prove they were there. Kati was getting pretty tired by this point.
7. Arrived back home at 1:57 am. Exactly (accidentally but exactly) two hours after we left.
We may not have lounged by the beach this Spring Break, but at least we now have a story to tell!
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